Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Getting That First Date, A Supplement to "Don't believe everything you read"

I was reading Mausers and Muffins this morning when I realized that there mysterious, carefully hidden, jewels in the world- women who actually enjoy shooting. These treasured, nigh-mythical beings will never, ever have trouble finding menfolk for themselves, just like the equally rare 'hot nerdy girl'. So, to supplement Brigid's list of what works and doesn't, I present the following advice that I often learned the hard way:

1. Don't yell from your car. This one should be obvious: only the most ghetto-slime, trailer park men yell at women from their car. Not only is it an utterly classless and crass thing to do, how far do you expect to get? I mean, honestly, what the hell? I know the latest trend is for guys to be emotional, effeminate, whiney bitches- but being an asshole doesn't equate to being masculine. As a side note- I never did this, but I watched it happen enough to realize that it doesn't matter what you're driving, women won't want a thing to do with you.

2. Smile. This works. I don't mean a huge, shit-eating grin, but smile. I've found that women generally respond well to being made to feel as if they make a man happy by just being there. You smile at them, give them good eye contact, they feel good. And if they feel good being around you, they'll do it more.

3. Don't care or try. Women come and go (mostly go, in my accounting of things...) and that's the way of things. So, don't make it seem like you're trying, or that you care on the first coupla dates. Seriously, chicks dig independent, confident guys. Turn the tables- instead of chasing her, try to make her chase you. The thickness of your stacks only matters to one kinda girl, ye ken?

4. No Man's Land is for pussies. Engage her on her terms- somewhere she feel comfortable going on the first date. If she's never been shooting, don't take her to the range. I mean, this runs contrary to a lot of advice, but put it like this: make her comfortable with you before you hand her a loaded weapon. Shooting is definitely a third-date sorta thing.

5. That said, women also generally don't appreciate being bothered by men in a lot of cases. The bus for example, is a poor place to meet women, unless you see them every day. Pick your battles.

6. Having the skills to like independently is a huge plus to women. If you can sew, cook, iron, etc on your own, she knows you're looking for a mate, not a mother or maid. Sure, other guys might have fat stacks, a fancy ride, and ooze charm, but without the skills to live on their own, they're just overgrown boys.

Now, I have a story about pubtrans and dating. When I was in college last (before the army), I was coming back from the range one night. I got on the train, slumped into my seat and tried to work out the kinks from a couple of hours of drills. I smelled like cordite and sweat, was exhausted and happy. As I sit down, I notice that there's an exhausted, sweaty girl sitting not far from me. She was actually pretty cute- black hair, nice eyes, runner's body. So, I give her a smile, she gives me one back and goes back to her sudoku puzzle. I whip out my iPod and try to zone out for the half hour ride back home, and I see a guy come into our train car from the next one over, right? He's dialing his cell, and he starts talking loudly. Me and her, we glance at each other, then him, go back to studiously ignoring each other.

"Hey babe, how's it going? Got dinner ready?"

Christ, what an obnoxious asshole.


He made a gurgling, strangled noise. Me and the girl look up at one another, at him.

"My brother?"

We have no idea what he's on about, but it sounds serious. She tosses me a note saying something like 'wtf', I toss it back quickly with 'TRAINWRECK' scratched onto it with my keys, because I didn't have a pen on me.

"So you're taking the kids, the car...how much? TIMMONS?"

Now we're paying attention, he starts sniveling.

"But...but baby..."

She stifled a giggle. I hid a smile.

"But baby, I'm so...so SENSITIVE!"

There was a stop about then, and he all but dives off the train, and we burst out laughing. What a douche. I walk over, introduce myself. Her name was Val, and we dated for a year, until I decided to join the army. Ah well, it was a good run, and we were so similarly twisted that after the fact, we talk twice a year. We both played WoW, and she met another guy who got her into shooting. We just didn't click, so whatever. I like to think I was a different person back then.


  1. Hey Des, what is wrong with oozing charm?

  2. Good advice. And yes, shooting is not a first date thing unless she's like me where shooting on the first date following by semi rare meet off a grill is well. WOW.

    We all will have people in our lives that come and go. Some leave some scar tissue but that makes us tougher. Some can trace their finger on that scar tissue, there unseen, and heal most anything. I've know someone like that I hope you will to.