Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Only Slightly Better than Furries

There are things you can't describe. You can't describe the utter shittiness of something. 'Infinite Twilight, Except Much Gayer' seems to be a good start, though. And no, I'm not hating on gays by saying that. Wait, let me back it up.

I associate with persons online who, while good people, have dark sides. They stare into the abyss daily. One recently linked me to...Fanfiction. Let me explain this to you: take a series, a book, comic, or more often movie or TV show. Now, take the worst, most juvenile writers in existence, and turn them loose on it.

No, that's not even close.

Think, the 4chan of writing. A site of such infinitely powerful shit, that it becomes a shit singularity. A shit black hole, from which nothing can escape. An alternate world of utter, incredible shittiness- one with its own rules, its own language. 95.9% of everything related to it is approximately of the quality of Twilight. In fact, most people who are serious about writing consider Twilight fanfiction in everything but flagrant copyright violations (but it's touch and go, anyways). The vast majority of writers of fanfiction fall into the following categories:

1) The Mary Sue: Insert a perfect character into the plot line, who magically whisks away the main romantic interest. This character is basically a perfected version of the author; they are vastly more powerful, more beautiful, more...whatever than everyone, and are written to be everyone's best friend/paramour.

2) The Hand Wringer: Take a perfectly good existing character- let's say, oh, Inara from Firefly- and then reduce them in emotional maturity to the level of a 13-year old girl. Angst, crying, starry-eyed infatuation. No, this is not restricted to female characters. Imagine endless stories of Jayne Cobb blubbering like a hungry, angry baby.

3) The Slasher: The less is said about this, the better. This has nothing to do with violence or torture, by the by, just astounding perversion. Imagine all the characters of Lord of the Rings, having sex with each other...and werewolves, orcs, etc...all the time. Not necessarily consensually either, and NEVER heterosexually.

These characteristics are by no means limiting. You can have a Hand Wringer with a Mary Sue who always manages to cheer up someone, and then...well, like I said. The horror. I'm lucky. I had a guide to this, someone to warn me of the many perils, sift through the shit singularity. There is an upswing to all of this endless horror. Oh, and it IS endless. Reams and reams and reams of it. As 4chan gave us 'All Your Base', Fanfiction has provided some small, marginal good. For instance, the new Battlestar had subtle acting put in it due to a piece. Watch Karl Agathon and Racetrack throughout the series. Of the remainder of Fanfiction, 1% of the remainder can actually be described as 'good'. Some people have, dare I say it, taken it upon themselves to expand on small, subtle points in series, or expand backstory, or continued series that died early like Firefly. They can fill in gaps or explain reactions or whatever.

It's not all bad. It's just 99% bad. Which still puts it just ahead of furries and 4chan.

PS- it was a fair-to-middlin' story about where Jayne's gun from Serenity came from. It Also, I feel like I've been neglecting this blog, so here's something to make up for it.


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